The many masks we wear

Life can be somewhat like a masked ball with us all wearing multifarious masks of our own making, pretending to be someone we’re not. We have this tendency to wear whatever mask we think we should at any given moment in time depending on who we’re with and what’s going on. We become the  oh so agreeable colleague in the workplace; the perfectly poised parent in the playground; to the constantly cheerful friend when we’re feeling anything but. It’s no wonder we end up feeling like overworked extras on a film set rather than the main character that we should be cast as in the first place. All that said, what if we could at last remove those masks and discard and dispose of them once and for all and show ourselves and take to the stage and be unapologetically us, warts and all.

Why do we wear masks in the first place?

Many of us put on our metaphorical masks to try to fit in, keep the peace, or avoid the awkwardness that comes with saying, “Actually, I don’t like red meat anymore”  or some such other thing that has us all of a tizzy. If we dig a little bit beneath the surface we may discover that the culprits at play are those uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy and insecurity that plague us on a daily basis and have done for years. We worry that if people see the real us, we somehow won’t measure up to their expectations, be not quite good enough. We may be judged, criticised, ridiculed or rejected if we reveal the reality that is us. These are of course just the stories we tell ourselves that we convince ourselves to be true. As a result, we play the chameleon card and change to blend in and please everyone but ourselves. The trouble is people pleasing takes its toll and can over time drain us to the point of exhaustion.

The exhaustion of mask wearing

Wearing masks day in, day out, is tedious and at times tortuous even.  This masking malarky would all be more than  okay if it was merely for a moment or two, but the reality is it’s physically, mentally and emotionally depleting in the long term and ends up with us feeling more than a little off balance. It becomes gruelling to always be trying to say or do the right thing. 

Some research suggests that constantly suppressing your real thoughts and feelings, can lead to increased stress and maybe even burnout. In other words, pretending to be someone you are not is hard work (understatement), and your mind (and body) will eventually rebel, and the time comes when you find yourself saying “Sod this. I can’t do this anymore”. It just becomes too much! Eventually you just realise that it’s too much pretending to be someone else. You are you for goodness sake. 

The joy of authenticity

It’s not all doom and gloom though. On a good note, once you come to this realisation that actually it’s okay to be ‘you’ the authentic you minus the masks, life gets easier, is easier. You begin to find that you can now create space for genuine connections. The truth is people prefer authenticity. In fact they’re drawn to it.  Once you drop the façade of the filtered version of you, you’ll feel lighter, freer and so much happier. Why is that so? It’s because you are meant to be ‘you’. 

Letting go of the masks

So, how do you start peeling off those unwanted masks? Here are a few simple tips:

• Notice when you’re slipping on a mask. Pause for a moment and ask yourself: “Am I being true to myself right now, or just trying to please someone else or some perceived expectation?”
• Practise self-compassion. Remember, nobody’s perfect. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
• Take small steps. Start small by expressing your true opinion or sharing something personal with a trusted friend. Authenticity is a muscle; the more you use it, the stronger it becomes.
• Try to surround yourself with supportive people. Find your tribe. Seek out those who appreciate you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. Life’s too short for anything less. And if someone doesn’t appreciate the real you, then just maybe they’re not part of your tribe or maybe you’re in the wrong one. (either or)

Conclusion ~ Celebrate being you

At the end of the day, the greatest gift you can give yourself (and the world) is to show up as you; no mask required. No filter, no fakery. Just the genuine article. You are unique, no mask needed; unless of course you’ve been invited to a masked ball. Then and only then is a mask a must. 

Thank you for reading. You can also find me on Instagram

© River Life Coaching